Study Reveals Alcohol Should Be Avoided When Drunk

Sandista, OH – April 15 – Alcoholic beverages should be avoided at all costs by those who are intoxicated, according to the latest FDA study released yesterday.

The study says that people who drink when drunk stand a much dire chance of staying drunk for longer or dying.

The degree of morbidity of the study results is not specified. Roberto E. Chikenberry of the American Society of Statistics, who is familiar with the FDA report, says, “The morbidity factor is vague, but the FDA is consistent with several sources in the claim that drinking while drunk will definitely maximize one’s chance of staying drunk.”

Those who believe maximized doesn’t mean definite, the report actually states the chance of drinking while drunk will lead to one staying drunk 99.241% of the time, on average, while there is a direct relationship between consuming more or less and increasing or decreasing that percentage.

The chances of staying drunk when ceasing to drink decreases in percentage per unit of time, the study also suggests.

In addition, the act of drinking while drunk may also lead to activities such as drinking more, driving, having sex, falling down a sewer, or getting into a fight.